


Hysteria

by Sherrykinss



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24427906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherrykinss/pseuds/Sherrykinss
Summary: Nick dealing with his guilt when an arrest goes wrong.
Relationships: Nick Amaro/Reader, Nick Amaro/You
Kudos: 3





	Hysteria

Nick wasn’t new to being undercover. In fact, he hated undercover, because there isn’t a book anyone could follow in order for the mission to be completed. The goal is to infiltrate a group, but in doing so, crimes are usually committed. The whole process went against what Nick believed in, but he doesn’t have any control of the undercover missions he got assigned.

After three days of undercover work, he was finally relieved of his position. The perpetrator was caught and he was glad the case was over. In the process of getting the hostages out, the perpetrator escaped from the arresting officer and lunged for one of the hostages. In the process, Nick shot his gun at the perp before the hostage could get hurt. However, the perp had a hidden knife in his sleeve and he managed to sliced across that hostage’s neck. The only one that knew all the details and that could get him a longer sentence when the case goes on trial.

That mistake haunted Nick. He was furious with himself. How could he let a hostage get hurt? The captain gave him a couple of days to rest. Nick didn’t argue with that, he didn’t want him to return to work until he has dealt with his guilt. The only choice he had was to go home to his loving girlfriend. But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to face her, not when he reeked of guilt.

Instead, he ended up just going to a cheap motel and slept there for a couple days. He needed time to recover and deal with his issues. He cut off all communication with the squad and even shut off his phone when his girlfriend started calling him. It wasn’t until after the third day that he returned home.

The minute she heard the doorknob jiggle, she rushed straight to the front door. Her heart raced and hoped that it was Nick. The door swung open and he stepped into the house. His beard was grown out and he looked beyond exhausted. However, she didn’t look any different from him. Her hair was tied into a messy bun, with strands of hair flying all over the place. He looked like he hasn’t showered in days, and she looked like she hasn’t changed out of her pjs in days. They both looked drained from the dark circles underneath their bloodshot eyes.

“Where have you been? I’ve tried calling and texting you for the past 3 days!” She exclaimed. His shoulders slouched from the exhaustion. He wasn’t expecting a warm greeting upon his return, but he didn’t expect to get into an argument before he could even change out of his clothes.

“I had some things to take care of.” He said. The guilt was still weighing on him. She scoffed and rolled her eyes at his vague response.

“So you couldn’t spare 3 seconds to reply to my messages?” She pressed. In the back of her mind, she knew he wanted to rest, but her emotions were running high.

“I just needed some time alone.” He said, then slipped off his shoes. Her eyes narrowed to a sharp scowl. The agitation coursed through her veins when he walked right by her.

“And you don’t think I would have understood? All I needed to know was that you were ok. I called the precinct, and they wouldn’t tell me anything. I was going out of my mind!” She followed him up the stairs and continued to rant.

“Well, I’m fine now.” He replied. His voice was laced with irritation and it didn’t go unnoticed. In fact, it didn’t sit well with her.

“…Nick, are you serious?” She bit down her trembling lips. Her eyes instantly welled up in disbelief. How could he not understand? She spent days calling everyone and visiting the precinct to get some news on him.

He just wanted to rest and not deal with this. He hasn’t been sleeping well and every fiber of his body was aching from the crappy motel bed. He proceeded into their room and stripped off the dirty layers of clothing and tossed them into the laundry basket.

“What do you want from me?” He spun around and shouted. She wasn’t phased by the volume of his voice, mostly because she had a similar temper. Not one as bad as his temper, but they were a couple filled with fire.

“Don’t treat me like some outsider! I am your girlfriend. I care and I worry about you. So can you understand why I’m upset that you couldn’t bother to type three words to me?” She argued, her hands moved with each angry word.

“Look, you know I have to go undercover! I don’t get to pick and choose my assignments and when I start them.” He raised his voice over hers. His face started to flush down to his neck from rush of adrenaline and his shaky hands ran through his dark curls with the amount of agitation swimming in his blood.

“I get that! I do. But Nick, you could have let me know as you were walking out of the precinct. All I needed to hear was, ‘I am ok. Doing UC.’ and I wouldn’t be so lost and scared.” She argued, her eyes were welling from the frustration.

“Ok, fine. I’m sorry that wasn’t the first thing that popped in my mind. I can’t have you being hysteric after every time I UC.” He snapped.

She sharply gasped and bit the inside of her cheek. Her worried eyes flashed to hurt, offended by his choice of words. She stood there, speechless for a moment to gather her thoughts. She wasn’t sure if it was the burning sensation of her nose or the fact that it was his words that stung.

“Hysteric? So that’s how you feel whenever I worry about you?” She breathlessly whispered, her voice cracking just as a tear slid down her cheek.

He groaned and exasperatedly sighed. He knew his sharp tongue just got him in trouble again. His eyes softened at the sight of her hurt eyes tearing up.

“Look, babe. I don’t need you to worry about me, I can take care of myself. I’ve done this for years already.” He reassured her, softening his tone and lowering his voice.

She looked up and fought to blink away the tears. He still didn’t get it. She exhaled a shaky breath and crossed her arms. Nick recognized her retreat, and knew she was putting her guards up. She cleared her throat, hoping the ache in her chest would fade away.

“Contrary to what you believe, Nick… Being in love with someone means you can’t control how much you worry about them.” She said and continued to chew on her lip, in order to suppress any more tears from surfacing.

His jaw clenched as his stomach churned from the sight of her red nose and the trail of tears that stained her rosy cheeks. He sighed again and hung his head in shame. Yet again, he had managed to say the wrong thing.

“I wish you would trust me enough to open up your heart. I know you want to be the all-around perfect guy. But everyone makes mistakes.” She explained, her voice wavered as more tears threatened to fall.

His jaw tensed at the word ‘mistake’ because he knew exactly what she was referring to. He wasn’t going to tell her, but of course someone from the precinct probably called. She was right, she’s always right. It was always his pride that stood in the way, of fully expressing his deepest insecurities and fears. He definitely will never verbally admit it, but he was so thankful for her stubbornness.

“No one really knows what it feels like to be seen as the bad guy, when all I wanted to do was the right thing.” He finally admitted.

She sighed and took a step closer. “Life doesn’t always pan out to how we like. You did your job. But Nick, you’re so busy fixing everything and doing what’s right by everyone else, what about us?” She asked.

He nodded and reached out to hold both her hands. He gazed down at her apologetically. “I’ll work harder.” He promised. The warm tone of his voice and the sheer determination in his brown eyes was enough to convince her. Yes, there were times she wanted to throw in the towel. However, she knew she could never give up on him.


End file.
